Father's Day

I love my Dad.

About the time that I embarked on losing the last of my weight he had weight loss surgery. Growing up it was clear that weight was a problem but I can only remember ONCE when it was an issue for him. At least to the point that I was aware of it as a child. Posted on the refrigerator was a sign, scrawled on a sheet from a yellow legal pad in green felt tip pen:

This is Not a Sanctuary

I had no idea what it meant and neither did my babysitter. I think I have told this story before, but it sits with me today. My parents got divorced eleven years ago and our relationship has never been the same. I miss him daily, and think of him often. His surgery is not the success that I had hoped it would be, but I think the above sign tells me why. I think of weight loss surgery as a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I admit my own bias having lost the weight without surgery. It's hard for me to wrap my brain around why you would do that when the complications and risks seem so high. And given what I know about me, I'm sure I would have suffered from complications. The "tool" as some call it is simply a rearranged part that you now are forced to live with. Some are able to accept it, learn from their new limitations and go onto great success, some are betrayed by it and others simply abuse it. The change has to come from within and no surgical procedure is going to do that for you.

I posted earlier this week that I wondered if I would have learned as much about myself if I had had a smaller stomach back then. I've been thinking a lot about this today, and I think I need to change my answer. I think yes, yes I would have. Again the change has to come from within you. Your heart and mind are the tools that you need to use to get to your sanctuary, it doesn't matter what path you walk down.