Monday, May 4, 2009
So this is what that is like... I remember exercise.
I seriously have not regularly exercised in almost two years. I can't believe I am saying that but it is true. When I went for the ACL for the third time I thought this was it, I was going to be able to exercise all the time and forever. Fast forward through more pain than anyone should ever experience and several complications later and I am left with a joint that is aged well beyond its years. I've started using it again (4 days in a row of exercise) and I wonder how on earth I am going to be able to keep using it. I think I need to get over the hump of inactivity because right now it kills, every step is painful. That awful arthritis pain that if you have it-- you know what I am talking about. It used to be limited to just one side of my joint but it's all over now. I went to the track with M this morning and while he ran, I limped along wondering about my future. Pain is what will bring me back to the doctors office when my quality of life sucks so much I can't take it any more. That's a scary thought, pain almost destroyed my relationship earlier this year. How can I let myself get to that point without alienating those I love? My journey is not over, but for right now, I think I just need to keep taking one painful step at a time.