Sunday, September 19, 2010

You know that feeling?

That one that where you feel like you are watching people interact around you?  But not with you?  That feeling of being excluded because of your weight?  How much of that is self fulfilling?  Is it actually real or just in your head?

If you were a fat kid maybe it was obvious on the playground, never being part of the gossipy girls clique, but not able to play with boys.  In high school maybe it meant that all the best seats were taken in the dinning hall or you were never invited to hang out in other peoples rooms.

So much of who we are as adults comes from our past.  Growing up hassled & fat is something I am still trying to over come.  I guess I like to think that if I put on a happy face (which I've always done) and a nice dress everything will be okay, but in reality, I think those wounds might be deeper than I realize.  I still feel like I need validation, which is totally stupid & silly, but is in fact the truth.


The Monkey and Me said...

Oh man I so know that feeling. I try to put on the happy social butterfly face, but I still have that feeling of still always being just out side of it all.

Sarah said...

Most times I rock these situations. People respond to me different. This weekend though I was with a bunch of people who knew the old me and I just had this sense. Maybe it was all in my head... but I felt very much like the old me. It was unfamiliar and I didn't like it.