Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I'm jealous of Dara Torres

I think this is a neat neat procedure.  But when you read about it... contraindicated for those with no ligament and history of infection. Sigh.  Working up courage to ask Doc what exactly my future hold prior to swapping out my own parts for something shiny and new.  Where the worst pain is he can't visualize.  MRI is clouded with arcs as a result of leftover teeny tiny metal fragments from my past experiences.  I would love to know what the cartilage looks like on the the lateral condyle of my femur.  Alas, it'll be a surprise until they actually go in and look. Been wearing heels lately to shift weight to medial side...  Can't do too much of that though, I hurt there as well.

Still torn about the shot on Thursday.  Pinged the Doctor... I hate being such a worrier but I'm not feeling great.  Past history makes me this way...  Paranoid?  Over thinking?   I recall my first plastic surgeon telling me that I was his little worrier.  Aw.  And then I broke open.  Or when I KNEW that something was desperately wrong after that 3rd ACL attempt and it took weeks for the surgeon to finally listen.

I hate being a nag but I know me, I know my body.  You don't go through DRAMATIC physical change with out being aware (or in my case it almost feels hyper aware) of what's going on with you.  When you ignore your sense of physical self for so long when you start paying attention decisions about your health and your care become that much more important.  I take this seriously now.  I have too, even if it means driving me (and my Doc maybe?) crazy.

Damnit, I hurt.  A lot.  But as I have blogged in past the shots hard on me systemically and I have concerns.  I'll make a decision tomorrow.

Such a mental mind fuck the chronic condition is.


Anonymous said...

Get somewhere still, in a place or just in your mind, as much as possible. And then: trust your intuition.

More than anything else, I have noticed that patients and most folks in general sense (or intuit) what needs more attention in their body. But our culture teaches people to NOT trust the wisdom of the body, and instead to put almost all trust in medicine. Now, I see that you are not exactly like that. But doctors are so accustomed to being treated like THEY are the ones who SHOULD know, and they have a tendency to not listen until an objective evidence-based test shows them what to listen to. (Plus the whole damn system is mostly broken, and providers don't have time to listen unless the patient is practically acting obnoxious, or litigous. <-generalization, yet...)

Trust your intuition, or right brain if you want to think of it that way.


Inner said...

Best of Luck tomorrow, whatever you decide.

p27tfs said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................