I have this cough that rattles my chest. It physically hurts to breathe and I'm exhausted. At 165 this is a hard cold to have. I can't imagine all that extra weight sitting on my chest.
But just an hour ago I was reminded of how hard it must have been to cough when I was heavy. I was walking behind a girl on campus whose size I recognized. I couldn't help but watch as she coughed and the serious physical effort required. That was me. I tried to remember that physical discomfort and I couldn't imagine feeling worse than I already do. Huh.
I still have a few, "Oh I don't miss that from when I was heavy..." type moments but for the most part I do try to NOT contrast and compare life at this weight and that weight. It was novel at first but I prefer to think of myself as just this way. Sure those experiences make me who I am, but I want to be just this girl who lives with food. Clearly, I'm still dwelling on maintenance success thoughts. I think its okay that I can't recall that life much any more. I find motivation in living. Dwelling on what that was like and being motivated by it no longer apply to me. I have my own new and different issues to deal with now. Some a result of being 345 pounds but some not.
That's a relief actually.
Time heals all wounds right?