Monday, November 29, 2010

Non-Compliance vs Non-Participants

So I've been giving this post some thought.  And I had to go a bit further and apply to myself because giving it some thought... there is a difference between non-participant and non-compliant. (Pardon the short choppy sentences, I'm exhausted, but want to post this.  It kept me up last night.)

Read my blog you know that I am big believer in being active participant in your own life.  I was not for a long time.  First two ACL's.  I was non-participant.  I was explaining this to husband and he jumped ahead.  Yes, I know where you are going Sweetheart, I'm already there.  I am currently non-compliant.

If I am being honest that is the truth.  As soon as the Synvisc wore off all that hard work I put into my summer when I was working out, riding my bike and walking everywhere suddenly wasn't quite so doable anymore.  My pain has to be better managed in order for me to feel like I want to keep on building on what I had instead of letting it slide.  But how to manage that?  More exercise?  Really?  I know systemically I could be stronger, core especially, however I wonder if that really will provide any pain relief.  Everyone else seems to think so.

Which is why I feel non-compliant.  I am ACTIVELY making this choice to be a lump on a log and it sucks, but I can't see what is supposed to motivate me.  Every time these shots wear off I hurt worse and often differently than before.  That's hard on the heart when your knee continues to fall apart.  I'll give either Synvisc or other hyaluronic acid chance in 6 months again if they let me...   But long short term I have no idea what if anything I am working towards.  If, well, when I have surgery again I know that I am going to have to get into shape for that.  No way would I go into a surgery again weak as I am now.  Plastics was different, but this, no way.  I am active participant and fully realize that I have to hold up my end of the bargain.

As always, I have more BioChem to do. Could you in one page support your opinion with science on why the FDA should or should not grant the Corn Industry's request to change the name of High Fructose Corn Syrup to Corn Sugar?  I'm still at 1 3/4 pages.  I say it's disingenuous.  Like sugar, but not sugar, too many chemicals used in the process.  Too bad your product got vilified...  Alas, I bet the gov't says yes.  Also (science!) while metabolized the same way, where the components of glucose and fructose enter Glycolysis is at different points because of how HFCS is made.  (Fructose is free not linked to Glucose as in Sucrose) This has implications Scientist don't quite understand.  Is HFCS contributing to obesity?  Hard to say, but I think probably a little bit yeah, that processed shit is just not good for you even if they don't know exactly why.

PubGet is my new best friend.  I've just learned of this service.  <3


Anonymous said...

The HFCS discussion...eeeek. :) I love science, but science does not equal quality research. Haven't seen as much of that. Too many conflicts of interest in funding, publication, and driving need for recognition, etc. :(

On the exercise front...YESSS!

What IS motivation, really, anyway? (I like to deconstruct ideas like this, that we all use often but that are not very helpful.) Will more exercise reduce your pain level? Enhance your well being in other ways? Remind you of what your body can do (apart from suffer)? Strengthen your core? Bring you a new kind of pleasure?How can you know the answers to these questions, and are any of these important to you today?

Now, if you think that the above type questions/answers *should* enhance your motivation, but they do not, then where are you left?

It would be tempting for me to get angry with myself, which only leads to depression.

So, maybe view this challenge from a different perspective. What do YOU need to help you find exercise as something that you will do, or maybe even something that you feel very good about? Perhaps you need something that you aren't aware of or aren't able to access right now. It does no good to blame yourself for not understanding (seeing) what that something could be.

Maybe instead of being upset with yourself, or thinking you SHOULD be able to figure this all out and just DO it, you could try an experiment instead. See if you can resist all self judgement, see if you can be okay with not knowing at this time what it is you need (to be able to do differently). But remain calmly open and alert for potential resources, support, or ideas you cannot yet imagine. Trust that they exist right now, or will exist soon, even though you don't see them yet. It's okay that you can't see them yet.

Sometimes taking the internal pressure off yourself this way releases resistances to change, and blockades tumble down, and pathways open up. It's not magical thinking.

It's a different kind of participation.


All my best,

Sarah said...

Thanks for the above. Life will not always be like it is now and that is something I can hold on to.

I've been thinking about where my love for this stuff comes from... And btw I agree, just because a study got published doesn't mean damn thing. Homer Simpsons said it best, "statistics can be used to prove anything." I like to read, but often find they all leave me with more questions.... and I think I've mentioned, the questions I want answered are never asked. /comentgress

I didn't study math and science in college but back in the day... I often procured research for my mom. She'd give me search criteria and off I'd go. The medical library at UMMC was a place I was quite comfortable. Back then you had to (gasp! horrors!) find actual journal and photocopy it. List came from searching databases that printed to a dot matrix... Ah technology.

And what an enterprising Mom, she'd pay me a 1$ an article. :)

Elena said...

Life is changing, you have to change in the same time and to accept yourself.