Admitting defeat while wearing my big girl panties

I am almost three weeks post surgery and I have an open spot.  I am not healing as I would have hoped.  I just need to remind myself that eventually my  leg and groin scars will look like the one above.  I actually really like this picture, you can see where last summer Dr. B saved my birthmark for me.  You can also see my stretch marks, more battle scars that I have no problems showing off.

So below the jump you'll find a bunch of pictures of how I am healing. Some are kind of icky, and with that warning, click if you want to see what is stressing me out.

See that awesome inflamed looking red spot that goes along the T.  It's the fungus I have been combatting and today it is itchy as all get out.  It's moved from spot to spot and just when I feel like I get a handle on it more of it shows up.  I don't understand what I am doing wrong-- I am swapping out three different kinds of anti-fungal creams and washing with an anti-fungal shampoo left over from my pre tummy tuck days.  Hopefully the sun will peak out soon because I have found that to be the best cure.  Until that happens again it's wash, dry, apply, dry and compress.  I thoroughly air dry too... with the help of my cool setting on my hair dryer.  I swear that stuff gets under the steri-strips, which can trap moisture and has a party.  When I left the doctors office on Friday I was fungus free.  Here it Sunday and I have stripped off countless steri-strips because of the itch.  This is the right leg and more or less healing okay.

So maybe this picture gives you an idea of just how uncomfortable this surgery is. Talk about an awkward spot to have stitches. Just above those two steri-strips is where it is starts to open.  It's kinda hard to see in this picture actually.  They took out the stitches on the vertical line but left the ones in the groin.  I wish this picture showed it better, but that is where it is "open."  Maybe about and inch and half long but I have no concept of how deep it is.  Hopefully not very.  I am glad they are still there holding me together as I am afraid that when they come out that area will pull apart.  It's "open" just about to where the incision goes under my panties. Once it does that he switched to the dissolvable kind that hold you together from the inside.  They make this weird bump, almost like you would see on the piping of a pillow.  He says they will flatten out and you can sort of see it on my right leg.

Those reddish purplish blotches are previous fungus.  I am happy they are starting to fade, not pretty to look at.  You can see the pull at the T here, if you enlarge photo it looks white, you can also see a little better how the skin is not healing.  The dark is the stitches and the redness is just how your skin looks when it's not holding together. I am reassured by the drainage that nothing is infected but it's hard not to be concerned about that given my past.

No obvious ickyness here.  I can't tell you how good it felt to put on a pair of real panties for a minute.  I felt normal.  I know I will heal, it's just going to take a moment.  I am trying so hard not to be disappointed, but it was hard coming to the conclusion that all my hopes and wishes for hassle free recovery are not going to come true this time.  Alas.  Looking at this picture though reminds me that it is all worth it.  To have a body close to what could have been organically mine is pretty damn awesome.