Sunday, June 13, 2010

Admitting defeat while wearing my big girl panties

I am almost three weeks post surgery and I have an open spot.  I am not healing as I would have hoped.  I just need to remind myself that eventually my  leg and groin scars will look like the one above.  I actually really like this picture, you can see where last summer Dr. B saved my birthmark for me.  You can also see my stretch marks, more battle scars that I have no problems showing off.

So below the jump you'll find a bunch of pictures of how I am healing. Some are kind of icky, and with that warning, click if you want to see what is stressing me out.

See that awesome inflamed looking red spot that goes along the T.  It's the fungus I have been combatting and today it is itchy as all get out.  It's moved from spot to spot and just when I feel like I get a handle on it more of it shows up.  I don't understand what I am doing wrong-- I am swapping out three different kinds of anti-fungal creams and washing with an anti-fungal shampoo left over from my pre tummy tuck days.  Hopefully the sun will peak out soon because I have found that to be the best cure.  Until that happens again it's wash, dry, apply, dry and compress.  I thoroughly air dry too... with the help of my cool setting on my hair dryer.  I swear that stuff gets under the steri-strips, which can trap moisture and has a party.  When I left the doctors office on Friday I was fungus free.  Here it Sunday and I have stripped off countless steri-strips because of the itch.  This is the right leg and more or less healing okay.

So maybe this picture gives you an idea of just how uncomfortable this surgery is. Talk about an awkward spot to have stitches. Just above those two steri-strips is where it is starts to open.  It's kinda hard to see in this picture actually.  They took out the stitches on the vertical line but left the ones in the groin.  I wish this picture showed it better, but that is where it is "open."  Maybe about and inch and half long but I have no concept of how deep it is.  Hopefully not very.  I am glad they are still there holding me together as I am afraid that when they come out that area will pull apart.  It's "open" just about to where the incision goes under my panties. Once it does that he switched to the dissolvable kind that hold you together from the inside.  They make this weird bump, almost like you would see on the piping of a pillow.  He says they will flatten out and you can sort of see it on my right leg.

Those reddish purplish blotches are previous fungus.  I am happy they are starting to fade, not pretty to look at.  You can see the pull at the T here, if you enlarge photo it looks white, you can also see a little better how the skin is not healing.  The dark is the stitches and the redness is just how your skin looks when it's not holding together. I am reassured by the drainage that nothing is infected but it's hard not to be concerned about that given my past.

No obvious ickyness here.  I can't tell you how good it felt to put on a pair of real panties for a minute.  I felt normal.  I know I will heal, it's just going to take a moment.  I am trying so hard not to be disappointed, but it was hard coming to the conclusion that all my hopes and wishes for hassle free recovery are not going to come true this time.  Alas.  Looking at this picture though reminds me that it is all worth it.  To have a body close to what could have been organically mine is pretty damn awesome. 


Anonymous said...

glad to see you are still happy with the results with everything going on. Today most of my tape sweated off, and I'm terribly black and blue. Just about to post photos... but it's just so friggin' hideous I'm hesitating. I'm sure everything will be ok, I'm only 4 days out after all. This post is encouraging for me.

Alexia said...

Good grief. That is indeed an uncomfortable surgery to have! (Since it's so close to your sweetspot...)

Woman, you are strong. I couldn't even go get a check up with my gynecologist after I broke up with my boyfriend because I was too emotional fragile.

I wish you the best with healing!

Alexia said...


Anonymous said...

Hmmm...don't know if this will make you feel any better or worse. My first thought was: O, her leg looks like an arm.

In other words, small! All in all, your body looks beautiful. Exquisite, as the French would say.

I'm sure it is no consolation. You ARE healing. Some require longer than others, that damn bell curve. Wishing hard for some sunshine for you to bask in soon!


purple_moonflower123 said...

"Looking at this picture though reminds me that it is all worth it. To have a body close to what could have been organically mine is pretty damn awesome." This statement brought tears to my eyes. I look at my body and wonder too, what would it have looked like if I didn't gain the weight. I know that I will need surgery and probably to be comfortable in my own skin. I'm so glad that you are feeling "pretty damn awesome" and it gives me encouragement of what can be in my future.

Sarah said...

Thanks ladies, and yes Robin, I am for sure at the tail end of that bell curve! I know I keep saying this but only on the left hand side. Something is physiologically different. I just wish I knew what it is.

Thanks for all the kind wishes and support and I am super glad that you guys can take something positive away form my experience. That means a lot to me!

So in the meantime I'm still taking all my vitamins and eating more protein than my body can probably process. But that's okay my hair and nails will look great because of it!

-Maura said...

Sarah - you are awesome and brave! When I had finished OPTIFAST, D offered me a tummy tuck and I delayed and delayed. Fear of surgery. It's a regret now - and not one easily remedied as I have gained 20 lbs. But seeing your results and determination from good old-fashioned effort is inspiration for me. Thanks!