Oh Internets!

You never cease to amaze me with your crazy, your denial, your profound, your awesome, your tragic, your humanity and your humor.

I feel as if I have travelled the globe in the last few days. From blog roll to blog roll-- I have read all sorts of journeys. I can't help but think about why I have been successful where others have failed. There was a definite point in my life where I could have gotten even heavier instead of changing course. There were other times where I could have given up and gained it all back and even still more times where I could have let becoming the thin beautiful version of myself destroy me with fear of living this one precious life.

But none of that happened.

I have no secret... and as I am fond of saying we are all on our own path. But what I think is important, is knowledge. And using that knowledge to work through the process of life. That's it. To be in control of your life is a powerful thing-- but getting there by owning the process takes time, consideration and thought. I have read more half ass excuses in the past two days than I can stomach. If you have spent most of your life over weight there are no two ways around it. You must learn to live with food and you must understand CALORICALLY (or okay, points work too) what you are taking in. Until you have a handle on how much you actually need you can't say, this is close enough or counting is making me obsess or this is too hard. Hard is what happens to your life when you don't think about it, when you aren't actively making smart decisions about what to eat and mindlessly nibble or obsess over the next apple crumb tart or cupcake.

If you have a lot of weight to lose then chances are you need to re-teach yourself how to live with food. Or simply learn to live with it for the first time if you grew up fat like me. There is no substitute for practice, years of practice. It does not happen with the first 5, 10 or even 100 pounds. Listening to your body is one thing, but it's not going to tell you that those extra 300 calories were too many. They add up quick and they add up to frustration and giving up. Or worse complacency. There is no way I would be where I am now, comfortably living with food if I didn't know about what I am eating, know more or less what's in, and know how much energy and nutrients it's providing me. Now that I am armed with this information I can eat whatever I want. I know that must sound crazy, it would have sounded crazy to the 345 pound me too. I could never understand how skinny people just ate. But you know what? They don't just eat (well, unless they are my husband). They think about it, they give it consideration, maybe even only for the briefest of seconds but they make a choice. They don't obsess and they don't agonize either. There is no guilt or bitterness over what they put in their mouth. There is no anger or angst over having to contemplate what they eat.

So for me there is simply informed choice. No one else can decide my fate for me and I embrace that. It did not happen over night, but here is where I have arrived, 10 years later, after much practice. Life, fueled by conscious choice.