Tuesday, July 21, 2009

My lady parts

Confession first. I have snacked all day. This period snacking is just adding to me feeling fat and puffy. I know it's surgery and hormone related but days like today I still struggle with food. Like last month I am amazed at how much more I can see the period puffiness. I feel like it is on full display but with more time I'll adjust to this new body. I used to wonder how paparazzi would get pictures of celebrities and everyone would be all ooh, look at how fat they got or what ever. Bloat is surprisingly visible.

I finally got the okay for sex, of course just as I am starting my period. I think if I had asked sooner he would have said fine but it never occurred to me to ask with open holes. The only reason I inquired on Monday was because that was my last visit with the plastic surgeon for a while. It was a bit embarrassing to ask, but as always he was appropriate and kind. He said that it will be a different experience "without all that". I'm paraphrasing but he said that it was lovely that we had been able to share that experience as a married couple but it will be better now. I'm sure. I tried so hard not to let "all that" interfere with the sex part of being married but it was difficult. I was always wondering if he was looking at it or if he felt like it was in the way. Most of all I hated the phwapping sound that certain positions created. Fastest way to kill the moment for me.

My entire mons area has been lifted and much of the fat cut out. It looks entirely different, maybe that is because I can actually see it now and before the surgery most of that area was covered by my pannus. I think I am going to have to start shaving, waxing, something. In the past my mons was too large, yet too covered, and with the folds of skin it was too awkward to shave successfully. Now the scar dips so low that the pubic hair is not an even patch. I'm working up the courage to figure out how I want to deal with this. Leaving it as is won't be an option for me now that I can see it.

But even with this bloat and wonky pubic hair patches I feel more like a woman than ever. It took me years to cultivate my femininity, and ironically the excess skin contributed heavily to my outward girlieness. Under all those skirts and dresses though I never wanted to show my body. Sex happened with the babydolls still on. Even going to bed I still wanted to look cute and feminine. Now there is no embarrassment and no covering up, I look forward to trying out this new body with my husband.

1 comment:

Victoria said...

cONGRATS ON ALL THE WONDERFUL CHANGES AND THE BODY!! THATS TOTALLY AMAZING FOR YOU. I CANT IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST FEEL LIKE BUT I HOPE ONE DAY TO FIND OUT!! HAVE FUN WITH ALL THE NEW EXPERIENCES I BET YOUR HUSBAND CANT WAIT LOL