I love M but my knee still hates me.

Really I do. He is so awesome-- we looked into costs associated with surgeries tonight after I had a small meltdown. (Too much onliness today) I think I am going to see about meeting with some other plastic surgeons. I'll use the referral for the guy my PCP recommended but hell, this is Boston, all sorts of docs here, might as well take advantage of that.

For the first time in my life $$$ is not the issue. M assured me that it was all okay, he wants to help me and he has no problems paying if HPHC denies me. Hard to tell what insurance will do based on what we read this evening, they require authorization for procedures that are due to MWL (massive weight loss) for bariatrics but then under what they pay for they say they don't cover skin removal after MWL. Ack! So I just breathe and try and relax about this. That's hard to do now that I have come to the conclusion that this is something that I want to do. I feel I have waited long enough, my body has stabilized and honestly I feel slightly droopier this year than last, a disturbing trend. I just want my body to move and function physically like an always thin person. Elective surgery to me is a HUGE deal b/c it's surgery. Going under is not a pleasant experience, well except when they gas you and you have like 30 seconds of absolute euphoria before you wake up nauseated, confused and in pain. I'm going to ask about a circumferential lower body lift with an anchor cut and a thigh lift. I have no idea if they can do all this at once, I would think no, but I've read all sorts of stories. I think it comes down to the pain and what you are comfortable with.

I have no doubt that I can handle the pain. It might actually be a welcome distraction from the knee. Which is also currently freeking me out and causing mini meltdowns. I have a ridiculously deep itch. I feel as if I might be expecting a stitch or something? Maybe another bone granule? Hard to say but I'm also sporting a low grade temp. It's always something. Nothing looks infected and if I was a betting person I would say that my recent increase in physical activity, PT and scar massage has something to do with whatever is going on in there. I can't really feel anything underneath the skin-- the offending spot is to the left of a scar on my knee and the bone/tissue is already very lumpy underneath the skin. Gee, kind of like the rest of me.