By this time tomorrow...

I'll hopefully be getting ready for bed in a new house.  This is one of my least organized moves ever.... but with a three month old how could it be anything but?  We also all have colds and my arm has just stopped hurting me.

You don't need to do work!

I've eaten nothing but cookies since Christmas, well, a few pieces of fruit and some take out too, but mostly cookies.  I am miraculously still 185.

I need routine.  It's a sprint to next week when take a short trip to Florida but after that... looking forward to hunkering down for a bit this winter!

Experience tells me...

I've got a problem.  I burnt my arm, right on the biceps and the flab the other day.  It's about two inches long and a half an inch across, the oven was set to 450.  The skin blistered and fell off in the center of the burn leaving that ugly yellowness behind.  The last two days has seen an increase in redness around the burn site. I'm applying anti-biotic ointment but I'm not sure it's helping.  I just dug out the non-washable pen and traced the area, we'll see what it looks like in another 8 hours.  I need this like I need a hole in the head right now.  

Overwhelmed

We move in a week and I haven't packed a single thing.  It's all I can do to get the (holiday) errands run and keep the place picked up.  Thankfully the wee one is so cute... that keeps me from totally falling apart!  She sleeps well... falls asleep faster and sleeps more soundly than I do.  However her biggest block is from 5ish to 9ish and then again till 2ish.  That second block and the one after requires some resettling, so it's not like I can sleep all that time.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.  I know this, but right now it seems far far away.  It's hard not to resent those who tell me they are tired when they CHOOSE to stay up late.  Lack of sleep is affecting my general attitude and my ability to find some holiday spirit. Honestly feeling rather Bah Humbug.

I like to look at this picture and think she is saying, "It's okay Mom, you are doing the best you can."  I'm trying not to feel like a reject about it, but I feel like I am failing at "Baby's 1st Christmas".  I haven't stuffed her into a stocking for a silly picture, we haven't sat on the Mall Santa's lap, hell, I don't even have a gift for her. Hopefully years from now she won't care.

Moving

The 28th.  Another year without a Christmas.  Next year...

Where are your stretch marks?

I need to be cutting myself some slack.  I have never ever been good at this.  Why is it that less than three months after the baby I am already feeling like I should be back to my pre-pg weight?  I am not a super model, a celebrity or a food obsessed blogger so why am I comparing myself to them? Bad Sarah.

When I had my six week check-up with the OB he said to give myself four months before I got serious about losing the weight.  He also asked me, not joking, where are your stretch marks?  I didn't gain a single new mark, all though there were days where I was convinced they were just waiting to happen.  I think because of how my plastic surgeon cut and pulled the skin, my "fat stretch marks" were able to accommodate my baby without the need for new ones.  My abdominal scar weathered pregnancy well except that I am pretty sure it was what kept my baby breech. I was stitched down so tight and there is enough scar tissue in there that I don't think she was comfortable head down.  

The c-section scared the crap out of me, but in the end, it was fine.  Easiest recovery ever-- I think because the pregnant body is on hyper heal and in top form.  They went in over my old scar and then through the fascia a bit to the left, basically where I broke open in '09.  I came back together really well.  Scar is currently a bit red and in some places pigmented.  I also have some pigmentation in my knee and thigh lift scars that will probably never go away. If that's the worst of it then I got off easy.

I think I am going to give myself to the end of the year before I get serious...  I have always been awesome at the J.1. start.  Currently I am tracking what I am eating but slacking on the effort to cut back.  It's the holidays, I am more or less okay with where I am at for the moment and life has been a bit stressful.  Too stressful to diet imho but not too stressful to maintain.  I was trying to diet for a week or so, but nursing my baby is still important to me and my limited supply was affected by less calories.  I can see that coming to end however.  I think a better use of 75$ a month would be for a gym membership and not a breast pump.  Being a mom comes with all sorts of trade offs.

Despite the extra pudge I am very happy with how I came out the other side of being pregnant.

 

The secret ingredient

Is exercise.

I want to join a gym again, maybe go mornings?  She's a happy baby then, could leave her with husband, once on weekends and then twice a week?

I am tired of hurting... but still have a couple of years to go to get to five years knee surgery free. 3rd ACL was festering 5 years ago about now. Ew.  And then 3 years ago I was dying from the worst.pain.ever.  Bone granules from the graft I needed post debridement got stuck and calcified in my soft tissue while working their way up and out of the tibial tunnel.  Ouch.

I can't believe that was five years ago.  Was it really that long ago now I was in the best shape of my life?  It was a different knee back then though, empty and raw.  Now it's crowded, remodeled and inflamed.

Data says to lose weight and exercise to reduce OA pain.  It's honestly something I have never given a fair shot.  I should do that.  I've scheduled a physical, time to get a baseline.

Manageable

We are moving.  Again.  Last two plus years my life has been pretty comfortable, garaged parking and elevators.   Place we looked at today would be okay for my knee.  I really hope we get it.  Really really really.