I have muscles. I had forgotten. It's nice to know they are there. Pushups (still modified) are cracking up my baby girl. Even though the laughs get stuck in her belly. The fact that I can now do a pushup is pretty awesome. I'm not sure what exactly I will do to keep this up after these sessions are over, down the road it's something the trainer and I will talk about. I can't wait to see how far I can get.
So, the ah-ha! (It's actually not all that profound) I've been cheating myself. Somewhere along the line I just said "fuck it" to the exercise. This was a mistake. But it's hard to motivate when you are in pain. It's hard to know how to help yourself when you've been so broken. I'm still convinced that weight loss (and maintenance especially) is 85% what you put in your mouth. But you can't ignore your body. Like the brain, you have to use every day. We are not built to be lumps on logs. We are meant to jump and run and play. Some of these things I can't do, but doesn't mean I can't do SOMETHING. That's the key here. I say it all the time about food, every little bit helps, those small choices add up to something big. The same has to be true of exercise. Hopefully someday I can get to the point where I just live active, like I live with food. I'm not there yet, but I hope to find myself there some day.
And if anyone I went to high school is reading this... I'm thinking of exercise as an effort grade. I was at 4, I need to be a 2 at minimum. :)
Work in progress as always.