What I meant to say...

Is that I have forgotten how hard it is to lose weight.  Not that I have forgotten how.  Different.

All the same tools and know how still apply. Track your lesser eats and move more.

Hello again...

I stepped on the scale this morning and I am right back at 185.  Sigh.  Effort, I need to be making more of it.  I've been thinking a lot about losing and maintenance lately. I prefer the latter.  Took a long time to get there and once I arrived... felt like I was here for good.  

I don't want to maintain 185.  I've done a few things to make myself comfortable here and I wonder if that's keeping me from losing.  Unlikely.  I'd rather be comfortable in my clothes and look good when I walk out the door than be stuffed like a sausage or draped in maternity clothes.  I've bought several skirts in size 14 from the thrift store and eBay.  Keeping me me is important.  Especially post baby. 

Maybe I am too far removed from the losing?  Maybe I just have to pretend that never happened?  But it did, and that journey has implications for my future.  I know it's not exactly duplicatable, but there must be something I learned that I can apply to my current situation.  

I feel like I have forgotten how to lose weight.

Could she be any cuter?

She makes me want to be a better me.

Baby Weight

I have confidence in me.  I can do this.
It was also nice to have my PCP tell me today that it's okay... It takes a while for it to come off.  I was thankful for the reminder.

I'm down two pounds since the beginning of the year. I'll take it.

Big Food + Big Pharma = $$$ for Paula Deen

So, Paula Deen officially has diabetes mellitus.

Way back when I had a job I worked in BD for a small pharma company and so I am naturally interested in today's announcement.  I would LOVE to see the terms of her contract with Novo Nordisk.  I am quite sure Paula is about to not only be on your TV's and in your grocery store, but also in your doctor's office.  I have to say I am profoundly uncomfortable with the timing of her announcement when she has the nerve to say that talking money is garish.  She's going to make bucks off her disease and I am sure that Novo Nordisk will get a bump in sales with her endorsement.  Eat like Paula be medicated like Paula.  But most people do not have her means.  Diabetes is expensive.

I read the internets reaction to today's announcement with interest.  I think that Paula is making the most of her condition.  She will in fact have her cake and eat it too.  She has her son making money off this announcement as well.  His new show is just getting off the ground but the timing... well, draw your own conclusions.  He'll have a whole new audience with her revelation.  There are so many conflicting messages about obesity and diabetes and the like...  I think the expert in the linked article underestimates the public's need for a quick fix.

Again, eat like Paula, be medicated like Paula.

I don't do battle...

To me losing weight was the battle.  Not the maintenance.  I'm pretty comfy (yet not) at 185lbs.  I started off the year on the right foot, but don't seem to have the tracking and counting in me.  Nor do I currently have the discipline to limit myself to the 1200-1500 calories a day it is going to take me to lose this 20 lbs of baby weight and 10 lbs of pain.  Will I ever see 165 again?  155?  Yes, but I have no idea how long it will take me to get there.  I'm not in a huge hurry.  I like NOT obsessing about food... alas, obsession, is what required to lose.  I have too many other things to think about it feels like.  Losing weight and the subsequent years of maintenance freed up a lot of headspace.  I'm not so willing to give it back (albeit even temporarily) to food.

I've been at this for TWELVE YEARS now.  January of 2000 was when I first started coming down from 345.  Seven years I have been maintaing (except for this baby weight.)  And yet I almost feel like I am back at square one.  The past, is in the past.  This is a new me, a new journey.   

I can do it again, I know I can.  20 pounds is NOTHING compared to 185 pounds.  But like I just said, apples and oranges it seems to me.  There is no comparison. 

Time to head off to war. 

So THAT happened.

The holidays were a blur. Followed by the move and then a trip to Florida. Sprinkle in some personal problems and a lingering asthma attack amongst the little sleep and you have my last three weeks.

I'm beat. Physically and emotionally.

Moving on. Hello 2012. Nice to see you. This year I resolve to better manage my pain. That means exercise. It's nice to be able to settle in and start to explore the new house and neighborhood. I am VERY excited about the walking opportunities literally out my back door and across the street.  The baby and I went on our first walk last night, a quick 30 minute loop around a meadow.  Looking at the map I think I might be able to get all the way to the grocery store by going through the woods.  That would be pretty neat.  I do my best treating myself well when I have easy access to exercise and the grocery store.  I'm glad the push is over, ready for routine and I'm looking forward to 2012.