Oink Oink?

Is it possible I have the swine flu again? What's with all these germs?

I know the answer to that.

I have been eating like crap. Sadly the scale has been rewarding me for it. I don't get it. There is a severe lack of fruits and veggies in my life right now. I need to turn that around.

Right after I stop sneezing.

My Knee

Is bumming me out. I couldn't even get through the brace fitting without tears. They aren't sobs. Just big hot crocodile tears that slide down my face and on to the floor. Or, if you happen to be the guy fitting my brace, on to your head. Sorry about that. I can't help it, they just well up...

I sent this to my PCP today.

Saw Dr. ______ again Monday. Told me to come back again in November and then he'll look at x-rays. Thinks pain is soft tissue related, recommended stretching and lidocaine patches and offered me a consult to a plastic surgeon for scar revision. :/
Pain is not like it was last yr but the bone still hurts. I don't understand his reluctance to take x-rays. Wouldn't one want to check and make sure something that you've surgically altered several times is healing properly given continued complaints of pain and a complicated past?
Been lots of tears since Monday and I keep reminding myself of something you once said. This is NOT my fault.
I don't know where to go from here.

I really don't know where to go from here. I think maybe I find a doc back at a teaching hospital? At least then I'm in the loop and they'll test some basic stuff every time. I can't tell you the last time my doc tested the laxity of my knee joint. You can feel it when they tug. Brace guy asked about that today.... couldn't give him an answer. I don't think my doc has ever done that. It's just understood that my knee has give I guess.

/sad vent

Prematurely Fat Free Me

I'm coming up on a milestone. And I don't want to jinx it, but I'm there. I know it.

Five years of maintenance coming up this fall. omg. The girl who weighed more in 6th grade than she does now has kept off her weight for close to five years. Wow.

I'm having a bit of a bad (knee) day so it helps to remember that when I feel like I have done nothing, I have come so far. Accomplished what many only dream of and I did it all by myself. No pills, no celebrity diet plans, no surgery, just a complete overall of what and how much I eat. And I stuck with it day after day, when losing turned into maintaining I kept on going. No end of diet start of life for me. It's all the same thing.

It's cliche, but if I can do, you can do it too.

I have conquered the Oreo

I think I can say this. I'm pretty sure I have conquered the Oreo. These used to be a trigger food for me. M loves them. He has been buying the prepackaged snack packs. 12 in box, 6 in package at 270 calories. His line of reasoning was that pre-portioned is okay. And it is, as LONG AS YOU EAT ALL THE COOKIES.

But he never does. Often I come across 2 cookies, 4 cookies in what looks like an empty wrapper. Oh noes! So i've learned how to handle this and sometimes I eat them, sometimes I let them go stale. Like the ones by the bedside, 4 left, I had 1 a few days ago, last 3 are now all stale and soggy. I should just pitch them as M is out of town for a few days. But I'll let them sit.

Keeping weight off requires you to change the way you think about food. Before one was never enough, but now, it's okay. I know one isn't going to really harm me, they are my favorite after all and I can be satisfied with just one. No longer do I have to eat the whole package.

I'm thankful for that.

Infection

So I got my flu shot on Wednesday and by Thursday my arm was a twitchy mess of pain, big red lump, and I was cold. Oh so cold. I took some aspirins mid Orgo lecture and tried to put it out of my mind. Then yesterday after blowing off the whole day in bed with the electric blanket on I finally called the doctors office and was seen at 4pm. I have.... wait for it, an infection. Can you believe that? Fucking cellulitus at the injection site. I had two in the same arm at the same time. Flu and pneumonia. It was a tiny little pin prick. A two foot long incision from plastics getting infected. Sure, I can see that, but an infection from the flu shot.

Really?

Come on.

So I am on 10 days of anti-biotics. I'm hoping the augmentin will help my cause. I have my first test this week and don't have time to waste. I'm glad it's the left arm though. In the right and I would be screwed. It's that painful. There is no touching the left arm, no putting on a bra, no brushing my hair, no carrying anything, it sucks.

Umm, school is a lot of work.

I never ever had to work this hard as an undergrad. I can lose 185 pounds, I can do this. This only lasts 10 weeks. Maintenance lasts a lifetime.

M had a nice Ah-Ha moment

He said he thinks I get in trouble when food sits in the house that he won't eat. He'll buy all manner of snacks, some he likes, others he doesn't care for. But if he doesn't like it, he simply won't eat it. Most times I'm pretty good at ignoring his food. But not always. I'll take any help I can get.

Exercise

I should do it. I go on and on about being active. And I have been, but I know that deep down, as much as I am bitter about it and feel totally screwed over, I should be doing actual exercise for my knee. To that end I went to the gym this morning and did some strength training.

I kind of agree with TIME magazine by the way that exercise won't help you lose weight. Sure it will do a bunch of other really good things for you, but lose weight and keep it off? My personal experience tells me different. Beating the crap out of my body so I can stay thin? Notsomuch. The point of losing all that weight was so that my parts would last. 45 minutes a day on the elliptical for the next 30 years is not going to help that cause.

I'm grumpy about exercise because it's hard for me. It's hard not to look back on the last three years of my life and not get overwhelmed by the fact I am totally worse off than I was before we decided to replace my ACL for the third time. I would imagine that under Obama's proposed plan that never would have happened. Not all that cost effective, but then again, hindsight is 20/20. I'm clearly struggling with this again lately. Must be the Synvisc wearing off and my anxiety over whether or not I should attempt that again. I'm in a bunch of pain again, and am hoping that in 3 weeks my ortho will get some freaking X-rays. I just want to see.

All registered for Fall classes

Organic Chemistry. Lecture is Thursday night 6-9, 4 hour lab on Tuesday evenings plus section. Review is Monday night from 5:30-6:30.

Biochem. Lecture is Saturday morning from 9-12. There is an optional section but I don't know what time yet.

Anatomy and Physiology. I am taking this through MassBay community college. The Dietetics program I want to apply to in Massachusetts accepts their class for credit but not the one from the Harvard Extension School. I'm not thrilled about driving to Framingham for this twice a week on Mondays and Wednesday but it is what it is. The class is mid day, with lab on Wednesday.

I can haz life please? I'm warming up to Math and Science. But really I just want to help people live with food. It's not just those of us who have lost weight, trying to lose weight or whathaveyou. All sorts of people could eat better. Even the skinny folks.