Physical

I had my annual physical today. I'v said it before, I just adore my PCP. We chatted first about the knee and the plastic surgery. I told her that when I had been at Faulkner Hospital yesterday I had gotten copies of my Operating Notes and also the Pathology reports of the past three years. She wanted to know why I read those, umm, because while I love the knee doc, he sucks at answering questions in a straightforward way. I was encouraged to read that he noted my pain as being exquisite. And she was pleased that I have turned the corner with this last ACL clusterf*ck. We talked about ways to mange my knee for the future what kind of issues are appropriate to push and what isn't. I thought that conversatin was bit odd considering how hard I had to work to get him to look at what was causing me pain. In her computer was my past appointment history. I had x-rays done in July that noted surgical changes, but no real follow up on that. Nothing was done when I saw the knee doc in August and that was when he referred me to the joint replacement guy, who had nothing to do with the pain from the graft and in the end sent me back to where I came from. Frustrating and I was glad that the PCP acknowledged that. I'm crossing my fingers there are no more issues for the time being, but I am noting a new pain along the joint line. Arthritis popping up in a new place maybe? Feels like that anyways. I'll give it a bit and ask about it when I go back for the next round of Syvisc shots in a month or so.

As for the PS she said that this is the right thing to do. I worry about people thinking me shallow or something... But I prefer to think of this not as cosmetic plastic surgery, but functional plastic surgery. I know I am still going to be lumpy and not smooth, but the skin hanging off me will be gone and that I know will improve how I exercise and move. I am so grateful for his opportunity I cried at her about it. I truly believe this will be life changing for me. I am not the person I was at 345, I no longer want to be living in that body. She asked me about kids. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. I don't think that 180 pounds of excess weight will do the same thing to my skin that a having a baby would do. All though given the comments on my FB status yesterday, apparently some of my friends think that it will. Maybe, but I suspect this is a whole order of magnitude different. Kids don't give you a pannus that is 39cm across and hangs almost 5cm. (Yes, the PS measured it).

Otherwise I am in good health and even better spirits.

Well, besides some test anxiety. ;c)

I have a surgery date! July 9th.

OMG this is ACTUALLY going to happen. I could cry I am so happy, I feel like I have waited for this my whole life. I met with a surgeon from Brigham and Woman's today. I really liked this guy, not as aggressive as the guy from MGH and that is fine by me. I am processing all the thoughts about this, and want to be better about detailing this for those of you also going through it. Check back at the end of the week for a run down of how the Drs. appointment went down. My second chemistry exam of the semester is Thursday so I am preoccupied until then, a week of vacation and no studying... There isn't a lot of accessible info (I think) for those of us who need this surgery who haven't had gastric surgery and I want to shed some light on it. Insurance and all. One takeaway-- he thinks I'll heal great because "I eat normally."

Just the tummy first and he didn't think I need to go all the way around. I agree, and was surprised the last guy suggested it. Maybe he just wanted my money? Also said that the thighs should wait b/c they will be a vertical scar and the tummy horizontal. Said doing the two together is shooting yourself in the foot. Huh. Again, lots to think about and process. But w00t! I am so ready for this.

The Other Side

Is a very wonderful place to be. I get scared now thinking about how much pain I was in. I mean, wow. It's hard to put into words the difference in my life, brings tears to my eyes when I think about how long I tolerated that. You want to be strong, you want things to go as planned, but often they don't. I can't get mad at myself for how much time I wasted to pills and pain, I can't. It's not fair to me and it's not my fault. There is no blame, just moving on.

I have my life back and am so happy to be living it again!