Monday, August 16, 2010

Ouch I need to brain dump

I'm having a rough day.  Life seems up in the air at the moment but it's really not because I know that whatever comes will have a process, something to work through.  I am the biggest procrastinator.  I used to blame it on my weight, but I am kinda lazy sometimes, especially when I hurt or am overwhelmed.  And that's me today, physically hurting and overwhelmed.  And I have no business being lazy with the summer coming to a close.

I smacked myself in the eye last night with a glass hummingbird.  Yes, you read that right.  Today I had to pack off my husband for a trip to the left coast for a depo, woke up early in pain but got to see a happy twin sis, ran some errands and then came home and cried.  My face hurts, my heart hurts and it's cloudy.

Ouch.  Hoping 3 hours of immediate icing keeps most of the bruising at bay.

Tomorrow is a new day and I am making plans.  Fall semester has come together and I will apply for programs this fall come hell or high water.  I fear rejection and not having good enough recommendations.

Today is really about being lonely I think.  I have this life, that I love, but I still crave interaction and I really wish that I had gotten more of a head start on it.  Comforting myself with the fact that I have already done so much only gets you so far.  I just have to keep moving forward, even if I'm all teary.

Boohooing gets me nowhere.


Beckett said...

This post could have been written by me! I am 5 weeks post op, still have a drain in, and feeling kind of miserable about myself and my loneliness. As we both know it is only temporary, but sometimes loneliness is the saddest and most hopeless feeling in the entire universe!

Sending positive energy your way!

Sarah said...

I sent you an email! Five weeks and still a drain. :( Hope everything is ok. Email me if you want to vent or whatever. Hugs to you!