I'm done with the 'Oughts thank you very much!

Somewhere along the way I lost my Christmas Spirit this year. Maybe it got packed in a box. I'm just not feeling Christmassy. Maybe because family bailed on us (although to be fair we usually travel), maybe it's the move, maybe it's the disappointing yet okay news from the doctor, maybe it was studying for all those tests, maybe I just don't care. I hope it's not that... But Christmas hasn't meant much to me as part of a couple and especially this year. It has to be the move.

I'm so ready for 2010. Imagine the possibilities! When I look at how far I came in the last decade no reason I can't go further in the next. I'm all about making peace first, with myself and my relationships. I'm happy with my weight, that hasn't been a resolution in years. But in 2010 I want to be a better friend wife and whatever.

We get just one shot at this life. It must be lived.

Final

So tomorrow I take my Organic Chemistry final. Well, actually it will be today. How far I have come. This year, this decade and in this life.

:c)

I've gotten some great compliments lately.

I really like being an adult.

Over soon!

I will be so glad when this semester is over. I say that at the end of every semester, but really I am ready to not be spending 20 hours a week on Organic Chemistry.

Why?

We are moving. I am so excited about this. New place is completely handicap accessible with doors wide enough to fit a wheelchair. Not that I need one, but nice to know. Our lives are about to change, I assume for the better. I am over drafty old house and slippery stairs. I am over stairs in general. We will be on 6th floor in new place with a so-so view, but I don't care. The idea of living just to the left of downtown. Very exciting stuff. I think this will help make me more active. Walking will become main mode of transportation and we will be selling a car. There is a workout room downstairs... I may look into getting myself stronger, but my days of cardio are long over. Even my new knee doc said that was fine.

Speaking of the new doc. I feel like he is the right fit. He's also a German... which he noted. He knew my plastic surgeon and his face lit up when i said nice things about him. He also knew the other German guy who started me down this path and was surprised that I had no use for him. Pain is influencing that opinion I know. What I like about this guy is he is not promising anything, just gathering information currently. A contrast MRI, hip to ankle Xray. All good things one would need to make an informed decision. We talked briefly about future, the joint space is okay and he would like to preserve that for as long as possible but it is the arthritis that is rapidly becoming a problem. Especially behind my knee cap, on the xray my patella was barely visible, obscured by all that ick. I see him again on the 22nd after all the tests are done. I am cramming them in where possible between moving and finals. Life is a bit overwhelming currently but that's better that letting it pass me by.

Wierded out by recent weight loss

I'm losing weight, and not trying too. I just scrolled back a couple of months and can see first mention of it in late September and then again in early October. It has been much easier lately not to eat. And it's not that I'm not hungry I just have no appetite. Subtle difference but to someone like me it's become something I am hyper aware of. I've been craving protein and fiber. Trips to the grocery store for comfort food have me returning with frozen veggies, edamame and beef jerky. I can walk by the cookie isle or even the bakery section and there is just no pull to that stuff currently.

Sunday I was starving at the library so wandered to the vending machine, it was well picked over and so I settled on a 3 Musketeers bar. Something I used to love and now couldn't finish.

I feel paranoid about this but am afraid there is something wrong with me. Or is this just how I am now? After 5 years of listening to my body and training it to eat good things is this how skinny people who are just skinny think about food? Or is there something sinister going on here. It just feels different from other times in my life where I have felt in control of my food choices or on the the flip side not in control. I wonder if I am over thinking this or should I get it checked out.

I mentioned it to my doctor as well in early October, I believe I used the word creepy. It is creepy. I also have a very intermittent pinging pain under my right boob. I know better than to ignore things...

The vain part of me is just fine with it, but the healthy part of me is definitely concerned.